I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
