i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
