I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
