There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
