I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
