I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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