are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
