gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
