Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This is classic penis vs brain.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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