Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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