I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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