Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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