don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
