Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
