I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
