Cold hands, warm shart.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
