This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
