Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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