And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
