a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
