I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
