I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
