I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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