Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
