If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
