You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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