I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
