Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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