I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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