Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
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don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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