I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
