don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my being single is dangerous.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
