Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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