does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
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i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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