Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
