she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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