Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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