put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
