i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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