in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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