What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
