the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize