Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
