I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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