you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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