the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Vodka?
Forever.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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