do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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