I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
