Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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