When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
