She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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