I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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