Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
