he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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