I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this just has baby written all over it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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