Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
false alarm, still single
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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