i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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