so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
