omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
