Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
