um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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