i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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