This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
