and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
