I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
