What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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