Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
