OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
