She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
