dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
