This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
