very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize