He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
