She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
