He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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