youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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